I Must Be Crazy

I said it. I must be crazy, because we registered for an Ironman race.  I can't express what this race means to me in words in one blog, so I will keep you up to date about what it means as we go.  As I have said before, I race for Carson.  My son.  My angel.  My motivation.  My heartbeat. My reason.  I train, I race, I recover, I train some more and I race again all because I need him to stay alive.  I need him to be part of my life.  This is how that happens.

On August 7, we will run an Ironman 140.6 in Boulder, CO.  You may not know what an Ironman is, so let me enlighten you.  We will start off the day swimming 2.4 miles, yeah, in the water. We will get out of the water and go grab my bike.  We will then pedal my bike 112 miles.  There will be hills and though I might want to quit and I might get tired, Carson will keep me strong.  When we get back from our bike ride, we will strap on our running shoes and go for a little run.  Daintily we will run a marathon.  26.2 miles.  I will really want to quit at this point.  There will be points on the run where I hurt so bad that I think I can't make it.  That is when I will beg Carson for the use of his wings.  I know that he will lift me by the heart and keep me on my feet.

Some folks might question my readiness or whatever they want to question, but I will tell you how I know that we are going to do this.  When I can't sleep, when I lie awake in bed and just can't clear my head, many people will watch a movie, read a book, count sheep or whatever.  I walk quietly to the living room and sit in my chair.  I grab my computer and I log in to Youtube.  I pull up the Ironman racing channel and I watch Ironman videos.  I have seen all of them more times than is probably healthy.  That, however, is not where it ends.  As people finish, I cry.  I weep knowing that the only way for my son to accomplish this feat is for me to take him on the journey.  And I will do just that.

I told my wife last week that I wanted to do this.  It should not be a big deal to tell the woman I love that I want to run a race, but I had to fight back tears to a level that I have not fought them before.  I could barely get the words out.

I know that this is the only things that will fulfill my need to keep Carson with me.  I can sleep on his pillows and wrap up in his blankets and snuggle his stuffed animals, but that will not make him proud of his dad.  That will not let his siblings know that when bad things happen, they can't stop us if we don't let them.  I pray every day that my kids know why I am on the journey I am on.  I tell them, but I hope they get it.  I hope it clicks for them.

I look forward to posting blogs and getting VLOGS up on youtube as well.  When you read this blog or watch a video on Youtube, I would ask that you say a prayer for my son and our family.  We appreciate the support.