Happy Birthday Carson

Hi there, head over to www.teamcrusher.com to submit your story or sign up to run a triathlon in memory of a child.

Today is Carson's Birthday.  He would be 5 today.  I am not sure how I feel.  This entire last week, I have been like a balloon that has a hole in it, a very small hole.  A hole that does not pop the balloon, but doesn't let it hold air for very long.  I don't ever feel totally empty, but never full and when I do fill up a little, it doesn't last.

Carson was a child that set our family ablaze with love.  He had an infectious smile, a giggle that never quit and snuggles that turned the worst day into something bearable.  I miss him dearly and talk to him daily.

I really wish that our family could celebrate with him, hug him, kiss him, high five him and have a real party with him.  I know that he will be there, but not the way I want.  I am selfish and that's ok with me.  I wish that I had more than a sticker, but this is where we are at.

All of the sadness of today does not take away from the fact that I am extremely thankful for the time I had and would not trade it for the world.  It is not often that a parent gets to spend an entire lifetime with their child.  For those parents, I salute you.

We are in a club that we didn't ask to be in, we are part of a select few that people deem extra strong.  I do not know how strong I actually am.  I find that the times that I am the strongest are the times that I can let my emotions and feelings win.  Daily I am too weak to let my emotions show and to let my emotions win.  I am not usually strong enough even on my own to let my feelings win.  I would invite you over the holidays to make sure you take time to be strong and own your feelings. Let them win and help you cope.  

Spend time with your family, cherish them and recognize that everyone will feel the loss differently. Be open to letting everyone else be strong the way they need to be as well.  Talk about your child, talk about your loved one and remember in a healthy way.

Also, to honor Carson today, invite someone you know who has lost a child to check out www,teamcrusher,com and submit their story.  I would love to put more names on my bike.

Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Birthday Carson!  We love you.