What a month. March came in like a mild mannered emu and is headed out as a sort of lame zebra. In some aspects, March has been good, but I am still noticeably numb. The upsides of things just aren't as high, but the down sides of things aren't as low. I have been to a really low point and it helps to put things in perspective. I never feel bad, but I just don't feel as great as I once did.
There have been things this past month that I have done, not done and avoided but still had to do them later. Laundry. I avoided laundry the best I could until every body in the house was wearing clothes that smelled like the north end of a south bound horse. My mom did offer to do the laundry while she was here, but I told her that her job was to enjoy the kids. Oops. I have a laundry system. I have specific places on the bed for each pile because we have more piles than most houses. 7. We have 7 piles of people clothes... or we did. We now have 6 piles of clothes. I found myself staring at the bed, unable to convince my hands that they would be a pile short. I was unable to tell myself that spreading out the piles a little bit was ok.
I am a systems kind of guy. When my systems get monkeyed with, that is when I feel it the most. I had an emotional breakdown doing the laundry that day. I could not make sense of anything for a few minutes. I have a system for laundry, dishes, picking up dog poop, eating meals and any other thing you can think of. There were quite a few that involved Carson, but laundry and the budget are the two that I have noticed the most.
I hate it. I hate that my budget is different. I hate that the laundry doesn't take as long. I hate that things are different because I know why they are different. It is uncomfortable.
Now that I got through the parts of the month that threw off my game, let's dive into the cool stuff. This month on March 21st was World DS Day. We celebrated our buddy. We also had the Step Up for DS Walk in Kearney on the 28th. It was so awesome! Not just because the organizers were so wonderful, but we sold 150 Carsonian Crushers T-Shirts (Thanks everybody)! Not everyone could show up, but I thank everyone who did. It was a day of remembering and celebrating our special little man and supporting other families. We met a little guy who was a hugger. He was 3 and that hug meant more to me than anything else that happened that day. I was surprised that I did not lose my mind and sob all over him, because that is exactly what I was doing inside.
When I think about the way that I am feeling I am reminded of the story of Jesus and the man who was unable to walk and for about 40 years he hung out by the pool waiting to be healed. This man had it way worse than me. He probably had serious bed sores, body odor, nasty teeth and all sorts of gross. Jesus walked up to him and asked if he would like to be well. Of course after 40 years of sitting, he kind of had an attitude, but then asked Jesus to heal him. Jesus did.
That is incredible. 40 years of laying around and waiting for someone to come and throw him in the pool at the right time and Jesus walks up and asks if he wants to be better. If Jesus can take the pain from that man and countless others I know that he can take mine, but only as fast as I let him. If you are hurting, if you are struggling, I would invite you to ask Jesus to treat you like the man by the pool and let Him heal a little piece of you.
Jesus loves you and so do I.
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