I am not sure. If I had known that my last night with Carson would be my last night, I am not sure that I would have changed anything. I spent the night trying to keep him comfortable enough to sleep. That means that I was snuggling, being present, an devoting all of my attention to him for about 6 hours. That is unheard of in a house with 5 kids. In a house with 5 kids, one of the challenges is to be present for all of the kids all of the time.
Jesus told his disciples at the last supper that they would always have his presence, always have his attention and always have his love. That translates to us.
When we feel like we can't get the attention of anyone, when we feel isolated, when we feel trapped, when we are absolutely overwhelmed Jesus is present, paying attention and loving us.
Team Crusher is my way of trying to put this into action. My worst days are when I wake up and feel like I am the only one who remembers my son. The goal of Team Crusher is that when families feel that way, they can always know that our athletes are thinking about them and their child every time we train and race. For some of our athletes, that will mean that we think about them once a day, sometimes twice a day, sometimes all day long. The races are fewer and farther between, but training never stops. I usually train anywhere from 1-4 hours a day. I know that our other athletes are not much different. For me, this is the best way that I can show the love of Christ to a population that, quite frankly, can feel angry at, unwanted by, might even hate the idea of Christ. Losing a child is devastating and often times, we can fall into blaming God. I do not believe that it was God's plan for our children to die, I do not believe that God needed them for something in heaven. I do not believe that this is a test. I do not believe that God took them because it was their time. I believe that God is there to receive our children and give them crazy love until we join them. There is still hope, but there is hope because of Jesus. The last supper, communion, reminds us of that. As we eat and drink, we have a tangible connection, a physical reminder of the love and hope that is provided us through Jesus, the son of God.
As Team Crushers attempts to live out this love, I would invite you this Easter season to think about the way that the Lord cares for us and try not to be angry or resentful, but try to say thanks or even visit worship somewhere.
I love you, God loves you and there is nothing you can do about it.
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Team Crusher
Location:W D St,North Platte,United States