The other day, Julie was gone. This meant that Dad was home with 4 kids all by himself. That statement is enough to frighten many people, mostly moms, to their core. We made it to the grocery, we got groceries put away, we played hard, we went roller skating, the kids played at the park with some good friends while Dad got a bike ride in. All in all, it was a great day! I even remembered to feed the kids! Batting a thousand!
I have learned over the last year, that in order to be the kind of parents that your kids want to listen to and respect, you have to enjoy being a parent. Would you rather take your business to someone who loves their job and seems knowledgeable or someone who clearly hates their job and doesn't know much of anything and has terrible customer relation skills? You would probably take your business to the person who loves their job and communicates clearly about how to accomplish the goals that you want to accomplish. The same holds true for parenting. For a while, specifically when I was a beginner parent, I was the most concerned with how my kids acted in public and how respectful and behaved they were. I was just short of being a nun from 1956. That was tiring. It took all of my energy to make sure that I was putting on a show for the rest of the world and the whole time, I was teaching my kids that the only way that I would like them, was if they were quiet and behaving.
Since Carson's passing I have focused much more on quality than creating certain expectations for the kids to live up to to "earn" my love. I think about the way the my Father in Heaven cares for me and treats me. The bible tells me that it doesnt matter what I do, I cannot "earn" grace and love. If I can't earn His, why would anyone have to earn mine. Love is a gift, not something you get once you have played enough games and earned enough tickets. You cannot not go to the prize corner and spend your skiball tickets on love. So often that is what I was making my kids do. I was treating them as though once they played the game my way, I would then dote on them a little.
So here is where the perspective change happens. Instead of getting easily bent out of shape over little things that don't mean much, I have looked for the joy in each moment. At the grocery store with 4 kids, you can find lots to laugh about. Being a dad, people think that I don't have a clue anyway, so we may as well enjoy ourselves. When the kids do something ridiculous, the easy route is to snap or even yell at them, but the easy route is not always the most fruitful route. Chatting with some dads just this morning, we started talking about shoes and the fact that kids can never keep track of them, even when they are wearing them! One dad had a daughter leave a shoe at the playground, it was not until they were home and a friend swung by to see if it was theirs that they even noticed. WHAAAAT? That is super funny, or you could try to yell at a toddler to be more responsible, but which of these reactions will bear more fruit? Another dad had his son fling a shoe out the window of the car on the way down the highway! Super funny! Again, not worth yelling and getting too bent out of shape. These are moments to enjoy, they are times that you get to choose how you are going to react and how fruitful your reaction will be. You have to enjoy parenting.
Take a couple days this week and practice enjoying parenting. Practice letting loose a little bit and realizing that kids are kids and you can choose the way that you react to them. Instead of making you and your kids miserable, enjoy it. Find the little victories, laugh when you have to explain to your boys that "No, your penis won't fall off if you pull too hard". Think about when your kids are older and you are just old, what stories are they going to tell? Are they going to talk about their dad, the guy who hated his job as a parent and wasn't much fun or will they be exchanging hilarious stories of the time that Dad was singing and dancing in the aisles of Walmart because some crappy tune from the 90's came on the muzak? Your kids will need to be reminded of rules from time to time, but make it swift and get over it quick. No sense in holding a grudge, you are stuck with them your whole life.
Just a quick training update, swimming has been going great, I joined a Tri-masters swim class and it is paying off huge! I have already cut about 20 seconds off of my 100 times and swam my first sub 10 minute 500! I have been riding like mad through the nice weather, in fact, the kids and I rode our 1000th training mile since October this last week. What a gift! And finally, in the running department, we ran 2 5ks for time the last two weeks and both were under 30 minutes! 28:12 and 28:17. This is incredible for a guy whose average time before this was CO:UCH. What an incredible blessing Team Crusher has been for me. Your kids are pushing me to lengths that I never thought were even possible. So like usual, I am sorry that you are part of the team, but thanks for being part of the team.
Jesus loves you and I love you and there is nothing you can do about it.
www.teamcrusher.com
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