Handling Life: A Life Long Journey

Life is hard.  Life is crazy.  Life is unpredictable.

Sometimes handling life is simply survival and other times, you feel like you are kind of on top of it.  I find that with my children still being fairly young, even when I go on vacation, I come back more tired than when I left.  Life has no vacation.  Life is always happening no matter where we are.  At work?  Life happens.  At home? Life happens.  At school? Life happens.  In Cincinnati? Life will still happen.  There is no place we can hide and no way to convince it to wait a minute.  It takes practice, but you can feel more often like you are handling life rather than being handled.

Regular everyday, mundane life is something that we forget to cherish.  We forget that pouring over budget numbers for the coming month means that we have an income that is probably greater than most of the rest of the world.  When you look through your calendar and realize that there is no you time for the next three days means you probably have a job and a busy family and there are many folks who can only dream about that.  This is the kind of life that we can prepare for, the expected, the ordinary.

You can build a solid budget so you don't have to be one of the way too many who spent more than they brought in last year.  Building a budget is not rocket science.  Take how much money you make in a month and subtract your expenses.  If your number is less than zero, you have a problem.  Figure out what you don't need to buy that month until you can get to zero.  Boom!  Budget!  I also would suggest finding a Financial Peace University Class near you.  It is an incredible program that will turn your money life right side up.  Google it.  Find it.  Change yourself.

I have on my phone, a calendar.  I have it tied to my Google Calendar.  Anything I put there goes to my phone.  It let's me know 30 minutes early that an event is starting.  I don't have to miss out on any more important meetings, birthdays, events, happenings, box socials, or anything else.  Calendars are a phenomenal thing where you can take the predictable, ordinary, and expected parts of your life and be prepared for them.

You can also set goals.  Goals are specific things you want to accomplish in a concrete amount of time.  You can put that on the Calendar too!  I have family goals, relationship goals with my wife, triathlon goals, financial goals, social goals, work goals and probably more goals.  If they were not some where easy to find, I wouldn't keep up, so I put them on the calendar.  Goals are an easy way to keep yourself on track.  You can see, very literally, all of the baby steps and you can watch your hard work pay off.  Sometimes though, goals have to be altered, calendars need changing and budgets need an overhaul.  Sometimes life is unpredictable.

Life is known for throwing curve balls.  Just when you feel like you have a handle on things, the handle breaks.  Just when you feel like you are getting on your financial feet, your car breaks down.  Just when you feel like you are emotionally a little more stable, trigger.  Just when you feel like things are looking up, crash.

Life is not predictable, no calendar will get you ready for the unthinkable.  Carson was not lost on a schedule.  I didn't have it penciled in.  I wasn't prepared and I sure wasn't ready.  There are about 3 weeks of my life that I can only remember bits and pieces of because things were crazy and life was too real.  Death isn't the only curve ball.  Laid off, fired, cancer, illness, injury, car accident, there are a million different ways for life to surprise us and it seems like we dread the negatives more than we want to wait for a positive.  Negatives impact us in a major way and there is no real way around it.  If we don't get any major positive unexpecteds, our life simply trucks on at status quo.

The only way we have to prepare for these is by building a relationship with Jesus Christ.  Some of you don't want to hear it and some of you feel like you have been burned before, but I am for real.  Getting your spiritual life in order will do greater things for you than any other change you could possibly make.  Just like any other change though, it will take practice.  I would invite you to start with a gratitude journal.  Take 5 minutes each day and simply write about 5 things you are thankful for and where they came from.  This is a great place to start.  

See you next week, until then, pray like it depends on GOD and work like it depends on YOU.

Gratitude, Intentionality and Role Models

My children are constant reminders to me that no matter what I am doing, no matter where I am, someone is watching.  Some are watching and looking up to us and some are watching to look down.  Either way, we are all setting examples all the time.  The past couple weeks, I have really focused on me.  Not the selfish Ironman training way, but the becoming a better person way.

On this journey to a new way of being, I have been intentional about what I am doing.  I have tried to be intentional about my use of time and about being grateful.  For example, at work, whatever project I am working on, I have blocked out a set amount of time and have only worked on that project during that time.  I try not to let my mind wander, but focus entirely on the task at hand.   I have been able to get more done faster!  I do the same things at home, but with family, I try to block out everything that isn't them.  I try to ignore my phone, be engaged, be present and be patient.  My thoughts don't center around everything else I have to do, I know that the time for that will come.  Being planned out and intentional has freed me up so much, I get to spend some time blogging!

I know that I am going to be an example on the good days and the kids will learn how I handle good days.  I will be a role model on bad days as well and the kids will learn how I react when things aren't going well.  I want my family to know that it is ok to be excited, it is ok to feel happy, it is ok to feel sad, to feel angry or hurt, but flying off the handle rarely gets anything done and rarely resolves a situation.  So I try to model an almost stoic being.  I look up to people who have an air of patience and stoicism about them.  When they respond to situations it is with patience and a calculated thoughtfulness.  I feel like they are wise and I want my kids to view me as wise, so I try to model that for them the best I can.

Chances are when my kids are doing ridiculous things that I don't like, they probably learned it from me or my wife.  When my boys think they are being funny and then take it too far, that is my teaching by far!  When the kids accidentally say a swear word, chances are it was their mother who taught them that. (wink)  But good or bad, they learned it somewhere and it was probably us!

I talk a lot about my kids, but that is not the only people you are an example for.  When you run into people who know your story, many times you will hear, "I can't believe how good they are doing" or "yeah, life is really hard for them, I can't imagine".  These are things that people say when they are looking to you as an example.  You can be someone's hope or you can be someone's bleak outlook.

I strive to be a grateful example.  I choose to live in gratitude.  I choose to say thank you for everything.  I choose to find joy despite things not going my way sometimes.  I choose to have good days, even on bad days.  I choose to live as if I am always doing ok.  I assure you that I am not always doing ok.  I have found that intentionally being grateful has a profound impact on the way I act and things I do.  I went on a complaining fast.  Every time I started to complain, I had to state 5 things I was thankful for.  I started with just a week, but after that, I just kept cruising!  It felt so much better to not be complaining!

There are certain emotions that accompany complaining.  Those emotions are quickly shut out when you jump straight into gratitude.  It is hard to be crabby and sarcastic and gross when you are saying thanks for at least 5 things.  Emotions and venting have a time and place, and part of the battle that we face every day is knowing when and where that needs to and is safe to happen.  Setting an example is something that you are going to do no matter what.  It is up to you what kind of example you set.  you can set an example that allows people to look down or you can set an example that people look up to.  You can be someone that people respect.

I choose to be a good example, a gracious example, a respectful example and a positive example.

Pray like it depends on God and work like it depends on you.

My son, my God

Today was a day of endurance. The worst day of my life. Today, I watched my 4-year old's life slip away as he went to play on Heaven's playground.

It's a strange thing, I was not afraid. I was not in despair, I did not try to hide from the truth of what was happening. I ran to the arms of Jesus and did the only thing I could... I prayed. At the house, I prayed my efforts of CPR would reset my precious baby and that he would come back to me. At the hospital, I prayed for the guidance of the hands of all those trying to save his life. Now I pray for peace, strength, and guidance for the days ahead.

Carson, my 4-year-old, had down's syndrome. This means the through a genetic defect, he was better at loving, happier, smilier and all around far more fun to be with than I am. I must say that this child was a delight. He rarely had a bad day and was always ready for hugs and snuggles. He loved giving kisses and being silly.

Some people will console us by saying that it was his time, that God called him home, that they needed a new angel in heaven and other worn out poorly thought out regurgitated lines of consolation, but it is wrong. I don't know about your God, but mine doesn't take lives to teach a lesson. My God doesn't NEED anything from me, He's God. My God doesn't take, he receives. He received my son today but was no happier to do it than I was to let him go. He is cradling my dear Carson with tears in His eyes as I lay in bed feeling empty. God is not simply a big guy moving the pieces on the board and making sacrifices of this piece and that, He hurts because I hurt. He cries because my pain is His pain.

I know that God is not only standing with us through this but in us. He is in the response of our closest friends as well as the folks who take the time to help out that we barely know. I pray that others can be drawn to Christ through our ordeal.