Things are different. Things are new. I am changing, physically, mentally and spiritually. I have changed my approach to many things. I am putting effort into new places. I view my fatherhood role differently.
I have always known that I was an example for my kids. The example that I worked hard to set was one of a hard worker and provider. Those were close to the same thing, because I worked hard at providing. While I am the main provider in the house, I can put the hard work in elsewhere and we will all still eat supper every night. I can be more devoted to my family and work harder on making me the best I can be and we will all still have a roof over our heads.
I have changed. I have devoted time to my family to simply have quality time. We like to fish together, we worship together, we walk together, we don't even usually go to the grocery without each other. We make every effort to take the time we have and make it great. We sing, we dance, we scare each other and we love each other. I committed at the end of April to training for and completing my first Sprint Distance Triathlon. On July 11th, I completed my first Sprint Distance Triathlon in Ogallala, NE. I love the sense of accomplishment that it came with, I love that I DID IT! What I love the most is that the people around me, those close to me know WHY I did it. It wasn't for me. There are certainly fringe benefits in it for me, like physical fitness and whatnot, but the real reason is for the memory of my angel Carson. For One Hour and Fifty Seven Minutes, I prayed. I asked Carson to give me is wings, I talked with him as if he were right there with me and when I finished, I knew that it wasn't just me who remembered.
When people find out you are training for a race, they want to know what your goals are. They want to know times and athletic goals, maybe weightloss or an inspirational fat to fit story. I don't have one. My goal is that I would continue to remember my son and that he would get to live through me if even for a short time. Every race this is the highest priority and this is the number one goal. To give him life again the only way that I know how.
This year Triathlon was added to the Special Olympics World Games in Los Angeles. Though Carson will never have the opportunity to race there, every fiber of my being believes that he would have been eventually. So I will continue to train, continue to swim, continue to bike, continue to run in hopes that you won't see me, but you will see him when you see me.
I am so blessed that I GET 2 TRI. I GET 2 TRI while he cannot. I will go farther for him, I will go faster for him and I will go longer for him. Between my angel and my Jesus, Nothing will stand in my way.
