Little Things

    The last couple days have been different.  All of the family is home, we are now a family unit again.  Unfortunately we are a family unit that is not the same.  We fit at the dining room table, a family that had nobody scooting around the dinner table finishing the plates of everyone who walked away.  When the kids play, it is still too quiet.  When we get ready to leave the house, we have to dig around and passed Carson's shoes.  We only put on 4 coats, his sits in the closet.  There are a million things that are reminders.  Not just what I listed, but countless things that you can't prepare for.  Sometimes we holler at him to get ready with us, It is a constant battle against the empty.

     As we search for a new normal, we will have good days and we will have bad days.  My wife had a rough and emotional day yesterday and I had a rough evening the night before.  Part of the recovery process is being able to support my better half in her rough days and her in mine.  I have always tried to be a rock for her.  I try my best to hold her up, but sometimes I just don't know what to do or say.  When I don't know what to do, I just hold her.  There has been a lot of just holding.  Holding because there are not words, holding because anything else might be wrong.  Holding, talking, supporting my wife are all things that help me cope, help me heal.  I don't know how to be vulnerable, but I know how to cradle my wife when she is at her most vulnerable.  Doing what I know is healing, it takes me steps down my own road and on my own journey.

     Today, my wife and one of her friends were supposed to head to another town about 40 minutes away and go to a meeting. Her friend had a sick kiddo and couldn't go.  Our initial plan was that it wasn't a problem and she would just drive and come back.  I asked if she was ready to be alone with her thoughts for 40 minutes at a time and then we all loaded the car and headed out on the road.  This was healing to me, to know that I was there for her when she needed me the most.  Even if she didn't really know that she did.  Best part of the day? I found crispy M&M's for her!  

     Today's moral, I guess, is that there are good days and bad days and good things and bad things and you might not know which one is which right away.  I think as the days go forward and the Lord guides us, we will be able to have fewer bads and more goods.