So much to comprehend

It is over. The people high, the busyness, the happy and sad faces, its all done.

We received family and friends Sunday night and had a vespers service. I would love to tell you that we had a vespers service because it is what Carson would have wanted,  but I can't. We asked to have a vespers service because I needed it. I needed a time of music and prayer that would heal me. It didn't have to be a sanctuary with all of those people, it could have been me, the pastor and the worship leader. During that service I prayed. I prayed hard. I needed it. It was a unique opportunity for people to pray with me. My brother came to my side during my prayer and we prayed together for the first time in years. We cried together for the first time in a decade. Healing happened in the sanctuary that night. Jesus and Carson were with us.

It was extremely important to me that the flowers from Kylie were next to Carson. I know that she is playing with my baby and that made me feel like the two of them were closer. I always told my church kids that I loved them like my own kids. I feel like that is still true.

After joining the club that nobody wants to be a part of, my heart goes out too all of the members with this terrible common denominator. Losing a child is not easy, it is not fun, and I certainly have hated every minute of it, but I know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Phillippians 4:13

I have the opportunity now to minister to a new group of people and hopefully bring them to see that it isn't God that took them, but rather received.