From One Dad to Another

One Dad to another, this is a hard Father's Day.  One Dad to another, the road doesn't get any easier.  One Dad to another, this path we are on winds through the rest of our lives.

If I could sit down with Matt Graves, these are things that would probably come up, one dad to another.  I guess if I could have a sit-down, I would want him to know that there is hope, but it comes in the form of realizing that there is life still for us. It also comes in the fact that God has our babies and is taking great care of them.

I do not pretend to know how he feels and I will not pretend to say that I know his pain, I do not.  I know what I am going through.  I know that every morning I convince myself that getting out of bed is worth it.  I know that there are some days that I don't even realize that I am grieving until I discover how tired I am.  It won't stop any time soon, so Matt, take life at 10, 20 or 30 MPH for a while instead of at 100 MPH.  Slow down and look out for yourself.

There will be overwhelming guilt.  It will come in waves.  One minute you will understand fully that you did all you could and in the same sentence, you can believe you did nothing.  It will hit hard, you will see Lane every day.  I don't know how to tell you how to try and fix that.  Every day I see my son too.  It is hard.  It is going to be hard.

There is something important that you may not have heard about yet.  You must, especially now, pour into your marriage.  You must be there for you wife and you must ask her for help.  Neither of you can do this alone and that is why you got married because you didn't want to.  Hold your wife while she does nothing but cry.  Hold her until she knows that you will not let her go.  Sometimes just holding her is more important than saying anything.  Our words can never stack up to our actions.  Both of you will probably lash out at each other.  Realize that this is simply emotion and just holding each other can start a real conversation.

Most important, pray with your wife.  You might be mad at God, but he is prepared for that.  You might not think that He is out for your best interest, but this was not His "plan".  He is not "testing" you.  He is crying with you, he is holding Lane close and loving him harder than we can even imagine.

From one Dad to another, the pain is real, how we deal with it is real and the road is a lifetime long.  I am so sorry that you have to go through this.  I am sorry that you are part of a club that nobody wants to be in, but we take care of each other.